This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
