SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
