I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
