but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.