so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
one might say we're banned from that church
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.