apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.