I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.