Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.