my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.