I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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