Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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