we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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