my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
