grandma shit on top of the toilet
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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