mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
