i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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