you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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