That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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