I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
