I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
