Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
