DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
