It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
