I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize