probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
