Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
