Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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