and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
