I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
