I want to walk on stilts...naked
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
