I wannas sexs uuuuu
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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