our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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