he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Buhtt sex?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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