so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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