Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
