Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
