so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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