I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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