Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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