i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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