the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The Olympian is in my bed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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