I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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