Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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