I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
nutella sex= disaster
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
