you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
