tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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