Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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