Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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