Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
