I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
