Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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