...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can I color on your dick again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
