she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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