is your mom at the bar?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
