like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
