I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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