It's Friday. Sex?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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