i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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