it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
