Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
id be glad to
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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