I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
