my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
