Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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