Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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