I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
