They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
