it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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