She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
