mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
