im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
