Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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