gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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