I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
