Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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