dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
