We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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