You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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