sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
