you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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